after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
