My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
