my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
