i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
