She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
