Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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