Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
