You don't have asthma, your pregnant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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