Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nicole vs. Life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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