Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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