Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
