it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
