Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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