Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize