Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
