even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We're too hungover to prance.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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