At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
