covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize