So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
