I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
