He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
