Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
