I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
