i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
