I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
