dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
NoShamevember. You game?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
