she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
