I puked a lego.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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