Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
