This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
