part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
