I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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