i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
