i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
