I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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