I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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