I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
