are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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