My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
