Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize