Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
