And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
