Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
