Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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