The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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