why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
