i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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