bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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