we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
