I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
