Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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