I cannot find my penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I looked at my own cervix.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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