How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
