Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize