Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
