i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
