Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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