His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
