I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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