He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
