It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
