I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
