wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
