took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
