are you still at the devil's house?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
