non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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