I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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