Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk is not a location!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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