i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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