We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
