pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
